Why high-performing HR leaders hit career walls (and how to break through)

I need to confess something embarrassing.

For years, I coached other people through career transitions while being completely stuck in my own. I had all the frameworks, all the assessments, all the industry connections. I knew exactly what advice I'd give someone in my situation.

I just couldn't take it myself.

Turns out, this isn't unusual. The HR leaders I coach (Directors, VPs, Heads of HR) have the same problem. They're experts at developing others but have massive blind spots about their own careers.

I've been there myself, and I see it constantly with my clients. That moment when what got you here isn't getting you there anymore. And the frustrating part? You know the theory. You have all the tools. But somehow, you can't see the patterns holding you back.

Let me share three common challenges I see in the HR women I coach, many inspired by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith's work in "How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back From Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job.

Building relationships instead of leveraging them

Studies consistently show that women excel at building relationships. But you might not be benefiting from this strength.

When I ask clients about leveraging their network, I hear: "I don't want people to think I'm using them" or "Political games aren't my thing." You have an either/or mindset: either you're morally pure or you're only out for yourself. But life rarely works in the extremes.

Men are typically comfortable with this flexibility while women often are not. The other problem with this mindset is that it assumes a degree of powerlessness. You can’t imagine the other person would perceive an advantage in having a relationship with you. The reality is that YOU have the potential to be useful to the other person; even as you benefit, you are benefiting someone else

Leveraging relationships is always reciprocal. It's about mutual benefit, not manipulation. When you help someone while also advancing your goals, you're not being selfish. You're being strategic.

Let’s take the example of Rita. Rita had been stuck as an HR lead at an international school for 8 years. As a perfectionist with strong loyalty, she worked longer hours than anyone, even the teachers. Through coaching, she learned to leverage relationships differently. She established boundaries, found her voice to push back on unrealistic requests, stopped being the go-to person for everything and started building strategic partnerships instead.

Most careers are built on the mutual exchange of benefits. In HR, a common example is the relationship between HR and Finance. The two departments often have differing opinions on headcount, budgets and reporting. Yet to be truly effective, a CFO and CHRO can build and leverage a strong relationship, particularly when dealing with the CEO. The CHRO can gently influence the CEO toward approving an initiative from the CFO, while the CFO can sign-off on budget spend on HR initiatives. This creates a win-win, mutually beneficial relationship that makes both parties lives easier.

Overvaluing your expertise

Your expertise got you where you are today. It was your survival mechanism. It earned you your seat at the table.

Now it's holding you back.

Your perfectionism demonstrates you're perfect for the job you already have, not the one you want next.

Top HR jobs involve managing and leading people who have expertise, not providing expertise yourself. As a Head of HR, you are responsible for a myriad of functions across multiple countries and jurisdictions: C&B, Analytics, Operations, Employee Relations, Workforce Planning, etc. It’s simply not possible to be an expert in all of them. When you focus on learning every detail, you use up bandwidth that should go toward other things (like developing relationships).

The perfection trap

Striving for perfection creates stress for everyone around you. It keeps you focused on details instead of the big picture. It sets you up for constant disappointment and puts you in a negative mindset (because you are constantly focused on things going wrong).

More importantly, perfectionism undermines three critical leadership capabilities:

Delegating: Your high standards make you think "I'll just do it myself," which prevents your team from growing.

Prioritizing: When everything must be perfect, you can't distinguish what truly matters.

Risk taking: Perfectionism makes you avoid anything that might go wrong, but effective leadership requires being open to failure.

If you are targeting a Head of HR or CHRO role, it’s worthwhile to examine your perfectionist tendencies. You might think you are ready for the step up, but your stakeholders might think you have trouble delegating, prioritizing and you shun taking even the tiniest risks. If this mirrors your behavior, you’ll remain in the #2 seat.

Your next step

Which of these patterns resonates most? Here’s a couple of action steps you can take, to help you move forward in your HR career.

1.      Pick one relationship you could leverage this week and do it.

2.      Identify one piece of expertise you could let go of to make space for other things.

3.      Choose one area where you'll try delegating, prioritizing, or taking a risk.

You'd never tell a client to just "try harder" at what's already not working. You'd help them see their blind spots and choose a different approach. The career breakthrough you're looking comes from recognizing the habits that are holding you back now and having the courage to do something different.

Did this article resonate with you? This topic is similar to what discuss in our members-only HR community – Women in HR. If you'd like to learn more about how to address these challenges, consider joining 1:1 coaching or joining the Women in HR Community (for in-house HR professionals based in Singapore or Hong Kong - click here).

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I work with female senior leaders in Human Resources who feel stuck to help them love their work or find work they love. Like this newsletter? Please sign-up, share + follow me if you found this interesting. I write about:

👂 Executive & career coaching

📄 Career development and career transition

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