I'm the HR expert who couldn't fix my own career (and why that's more common than you think)

I understand what it's like to wake up on a Monday morning and think "Is this all there is?" I know what it's like to be the person everyone turns to for career advice while secretly Googling "2025 resume tips" and setting up your LinkedIn job alerts at 2am.

I work with female senior leaders in Human Resources who feel stuck to help them love their work or find work they love. I had a 15-year career in HR as a Head of Talent Acquisition, an HR Business Partner, a Head of HR and an HR consultant, working in large firms like IBM, UBS and Barclays and consulting for small firms with less than 100 employees. These experiences have given me a strong understanding of best-practice HR as well as the challenges that solo HR leaders face.

In my years working specifically with senior female HR leaders, I've discovered that the women who reach out to me use remarkably similar language to describe their situation.

They say things like: "I feel stuck." "I'm lost." "My confidence is shot." "I'm consumed by work but feel completely demotivated." "I don't know what to do." “I could do this job in my sleep.”

These aren't junior professionals figuring things out. These are Directors, VPs, and Chief People Officers - women managing teams of 10, 20, even 100+ people. These are women who are supposed to be the experts on career development.

"I feel stuck." "I'm lost." "My confidence is shot." "I'm consumed by work but feel completely demotivated." "I don't know what to do." “I could do this job in my sleep.”

Yet in private conversations, they describe feeling more lost about their own careers than a fresh graduate.

If this resonates with you, then keep reading.

Overview

In this article, I’m going to share about feeling stuck and why it affects so many of us in Human Resources. I’ll also talk about what that means for our families, our relationships and ourselves. We'll explore:

• A revealing fact about what's really happening behind closed doors for HR professionals like you

• How feeling stuck is quietly destroying multiple areas of your life

• The obvious solution most people try - and why it backfires

• Three specific strategies to start trying immediately

• How you can take further action

It’s not just you

In 2023, Executive Network published a Future of Work report where they surveyed 1300 professionals. If you aren’t familiar with Executive Network, they are an HR peer network that produces research, similar to Gartner, i4CP or The Conference Board.

Of those surveyed, 41% of HR leaders were likely or very likely to consider leaving their current employer in the next year: 41%!

This was substantially more than the next group (business leaders, 29% and knowledge workers at 19%). Although this is a pretty shocking stat, it aligns with what I hear from my HR clients. Does this stat describe you? If so, why haven't you done something about it? And what's really stopping you from making a change?

It goes beyond just work

This statistic does describe me. Near the end of my career in in-house HR, I remember very clearly sitting across from a good friend and mentor, crying openly in a café.

He asked me, "What is it that you want, Renee?"

And I didn't know how to answer.

I was just so tired. And so sick of everything. But I didn't know what else I could do or what else was out there.

I had spent the last 1.5 years of my HRBP role executing mass redundancy after mass redundancy. I had sat in meeting after meeting with crying employees. On top of that, my company had done a big push on monitoring employee communications, which led to a huge uptick in employee investigations.

My role as an HR Business Partner had become layers and layers of negativity. And I had to get out. But I didn't know how.

I was putting in really long hours, regularly staying in the office until 9 or 10pm. I rarely saw my partner and when I did, I would just complain about work and how unhappy I was.

I was waking up in the middle of the night, replaying conversations from that day back in my head, wondering if I had said the wrong thing or how I could have done it better. My mind would go to my long to-do list and I would start dreading the following day. Unable to fall asleep, I'd pick up my phone and start doom scrolling until I'd finally pass out.

I'd wake up the following morning, exhausted and craving coffee to give me the pick-me-up I needed to get through the day.

That was the state that I was in as I sat there across from my friend and mentor.

This isn't just about having a few bad days at work. Feeling stuck creates serious ripple effects. Based on conversations with my clients, I’d categorize these into four critical areas:

Your professional performance: My clients say: "I'm going through the motions." "I zone out in meetings thinking about literally any other job." "I avoid networking events because I don't want to talk about what I do." When you're going through the motions, your team notices. Your innovation declines. Your strategic thinking becomes disengagement. You start declining speaking opportunities and letting your LinkedIn profile gather digital dust. You become professionally invisible just when you should be most visible.

Your relationships: My clients say: "My husband is tired of having the same conversation about my work." "I come home irritable and take it out on my family." How many times have you had the same conversation with your partner about feeling stuck? How many times have they listened patiently, only to watch you do nothing about it? Eventually, your partner will stop asking about your day because they know the answer will be the same.

Your role as a parent: My clients say: "Even when I'm playing with my kids, I’m thinking about the email I have to respond to." You're trying to be present with your children while your mind stays stuck on work problems that feel ridiculous. You're modeling to your kids that work is something to endure, not enjoy. 

Your health: My clients say: "I can't sleep - I lie awake worrying about decisions that feel meaningless." "I've lost 10 kilos from stress." "I'm too exhausted to exercise even though I know it would help." These symptoms aren’t just stress – this is your body's way of telling you that something is fundamentally wrong.

Your self-image: My clients say: "I used to be confident - now I doubt everything." "I'm the HR expert, but I can't figure out my own career. I feel like a fraud." "Maybe I'm just not cut out for leadership." "I should be grateful, but I feel like I'm wasting my life." You are questioning your own capabilities.

The irony is that the longer you stay stuck, the less capable you feel of changing - even though you have all the skills you need to create the career you actually want.

The irony is that the longer you stay stuck, the less capable you feel of changing - even though you have all the skills you need to create the career you actually want.

Why this happens to HR leaders

I felt silly for feeling this way. I WAS HR - the person that helps other people with their careers. I had a huge arsenal at my disposal: Learning platforms, L&D teams, micro-learning modules,

MOOCs, coaching frameworks, friends in the industry.

I should have been able to figure this out for myself. And yet, I couldn't.

It's different when it's you. It's so easy to tell other people what to do. But so hard to do it for yourself.

And deep down, there was another thing: fear.

There was a fear that if I tried to change and do something else, I'd be discovered for the fraud that I was. If I tried to change, I might find that I was never any good at my role at all.

This feeling is called imposter syndrome. A 2023 study from KPMG found that 75% of high-performing senior women leaders in Fortune 1000 companies had personally experienced imposter syndrome at different points in their career. Based on my work with senior HR leaders, there are six factors contributing to this feeling:

The accidental career: Many fell into HR because you "liked working with people." You built a successful career on a foundation you never consciously chose. Now, 15-20 years later, you're questioning whether this path ever really aligned with your interests.

The golden handcuffs: Your lifestyle, family expectations, and financial obligations have grown to match your income. Taking any step backward financially, even temporarily, feels impossible.

The identity misalignment: So much of who you are is tied to what you do. The thought of changing careers (or even roles) feels like changing your entire identity.

The expertise paradox: You're so specialized in HR that other paths feel foreign. Your expertise is a barrier that is preventing you from seeing other possibilities.

The caregiver's dilemma: As a woman in HR, you are the primary emotional caregiver – both at work and at home. Taking the time and energy for a career transition feels selfish, especially when you are so used to putting everyone else’s needs before your own.

The perfectionist's trap: You want guarantees before making moves. But while you're waiting for certainty, weeks, months and years pass by.

These factors combine to create a situation where highly capable women feel completely powerless to change their circumstances. So, you stay stuck where you are.

The obvious solution

When most people recognize they're stuck, they try the obvious solution: looking for another job.

They update LinkedIn (maybe), browse job postings, talk to headhunters. They think, "I just need to find the right opportunity, and everything will be better."

This makes perfect sense, right? If you don't like your current job, find a new one. It's logical. It's what we'd advise our friends to do.

But finding a new job is like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. You're treating symptoms, not the disease.

Different company, same frustrations. Different title, same feeling of going through the motions.

Most opportunities are variations of what you're already doing. Different company, same frustrations. Different title, same feeling of going through the motions. You end up in "job-hopping purgatory," moving from role to role, hoping the next one will be different, but carrying the same internal dissatisfaction wherever you go.

What else you can try

Maybe you’ve decided that changing jobs isn’t the right thing for you. I bet there are a few other things you've already tried to get yourself unstuck.

You've signed up for some internal training on your career portal - some upskilling. But it's so hard to find time to get it done. You keep resetting the reminders on your calendar and it always ends up being Friday afternoon when all you want to do is go home to see your kids or go out with your friends.

You've researched some external programs at Harvard or Oxford but you can't get your company to fund them. You've had a couple of calls with your mentor from your old job, but she's on her last role before retirement and she can't relate to you.

Maybe you've even considered more dramatic options. You could speak to your manager. You could tell her that you're spinning your wheels, that you’re not excited about your future, that you can't see your career path. You could have an open discussion and lay it all on the table.

You could take a sabbatical or leave of absence. Maybe time away would help. Even if it's unpaid, you could make it work. You could spend more time with your kids, learn Mandarin, do some traveling, sleep, finally tackle your massive to-do list.

You could even quit. If you resigned, you'd have time to think about what you really want to do next without the day-to-day work pressures.

But then reality sets in:

If you speak to your manager: She's going to ask what you want instead. And you don't know. You don't want to come to her with a problem without a solution. If you tell her you're unhappy, she might worry you'll resign and add you to the redundancy list to avoid paying your bonus.

If you take a sabbatical: Will the problems still be there when you return? If nothing changes for you or the organization, you're just prolonging the problem.

If you quit: One stress gets replaced with another. You need income. That desperation could force you into another role that leaves you feeling bored and unenergized again.

Do you see how these options seem perfectly logical at first, but then when reality sets in, they seem impossible? If you don’t first do the hard work to figure out where you are going, you will end up someplace else.

After that crying coffee chat with my friend and mentor, I raised my hand for a voluntary redundancy. And I got it. I was free! But now what?

A few weeks after my redundancy, I found myself standing frozen in the middle of my apartment, turning my feet this way and that, trying to figure out what I should do that day. And it wasn't just that day - it was a much bigger question.

I had an offer to return to HR at a law firm. But I really didn't want to take it. Everything inside me said "NO!" So I found myself frozen, unable to determine what direction to go in.

These kinds of blockers create a vicious cycle: the longer you stay stuck, the more difficult it feels to change, which makes you stay stuck longer. So, I thought to myself, "I need help. I need a coach." So, I got one.

Moving forward

My coach helped me break down my big dreams into smaller steps. I applied to (and got accepted to) two MBA programs. I drafted an initial business plan for RC HR Consulting. Through coaching, I figured out that life and work could look different. I managed to get unstuck and get out of my own way.

And you can do it too. You can be back in a role that you love - a role that allows you enough time to be fully present with your partner, to enjoy your time with your kids and to set boundaries so you're not constantly thinking about work.

You can let go of the imposter syndrome that makes you feel like you're not good enough or deserving enough of where you are. You can feel clarity, confidence and control. Here are three strategies you can implement immediately to start moving from stuck to strategic:

#1: Conduct a career audit (not a job search)

Before you look at a single job posting, you need to understand yourself more deeply and know what's actually driving your unhappiness with your HR work. Most people skip this step and jump straight to looking for new opportunities, which is why they end up in vicious cycles of unfulfilling work.

A career audit involves reviewing each of your previous roles in detail and asking yourself the same set of questions for each role.  From this process, you can identify themes around what you do like, what you don’t like, your strengths and what you need to succeed. This type of reflection can help you to pinpoint the circumstances and relationships when you do your best work.

Action Steps:

• Schedule 1 hour this weekend for deep reflection

• Follow the prompts and questions in part 1 of the “Career Audit” exercise

• Find a friend, mentor or coach (or even Chat GPT) to help you reflect on your answers to part 2.

Download this career audit worksheet to help you with this exercise. This isn't about finding the perfect job – it's about understanding what fulfilment looks like for you personally. Without this clarity, you'll keep making moves that don't address the root cause of your dissatisfaction.

#2: Start building before you need it

Most people wait until they're ready to leave their job before they start building their professional presence and network. This is backwards. You should be building your external brand and connections while you're still employed.

Action Steps:

• Identify 3 people currently doing work that interests you (this could be former colleagues, people you see speaking at conferences, or connections from LinkedIn)

• Reach out to one person per week with a specific, valuable question (not "can we grab coffee to pick your brain" but "I read your article on AI in HR and would love to understand how you approached the implementation challenges you mentioned.")

• Share one piece of valuable content on LinkedIn per week (this could be commenting thoughtfully on others' posts or sharing an insight from your own experience)

The goal isn't to network your way into a new job – it's to stay connected to what's happening in HR and to remind yourself that there are people doing work that energizes them.

#3: Know your strengths

As HR leaders, you're familiar with assessment tools - Hogan, DISC, Clifton Strengths. You may even be certified in some! When did you last take an assessment yourself?

Action Steps:

Sit down and answer simple questions about your strengths.

·       What are they? Where do they show up at work?

·       How could you use them more?

·       How could you build your job around your strengths?

·       How could you deploy them to help you make a career change?

Knowing your strengths is the first step in understanding what you're good at now and what you can continue to be good at in the future. If you’d like to do an assessment, check out the VIA Character Strengths Survey.

Choose one strategy and commit to the first step within 48 hours. Not next week - within 48 hours.

Write it down. Put it in your calendar. Tell someone who will hold you accountable.

Your next step

The cost of staying stuck isn't just missed opportunities. It's the life you're not living, the example you're not setting for your children, the strained relationships you're creating, and the gradual erosion of your confidence.

Every day you postpone action is another day that things will get worse. Luckily, you have everything you need to get unstuck. You have the skills, experience, and strengths. What you may be missing is the framework, support, and accountability.

Decide today is the day you stop accepting unfulfillment as the price of professional success. Choose to invest in creating a career that energizes instead of drains you.

Feeling stuck isn't a life sentence. It's a wake-up call.

If what I've shared resonates, if you recognize yourself in these patterns, let’s talk. I can help.

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I work with female senior leaders in Human Resources who feel stuck to help them love their work or find work they love. I write about:

👂 Executive & career coaching

📄 Career development and career transition

🎯 Job search strategy

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