Which one is actually the problem: your role, boss, organization, or career path?

You're three weeks into comp round. Your inbox is a graveyard of unanswered emails. You've had the same difficult conversation with your boss four times. You're eating dinner at your desk again. And somewhere around 2am, you find yourself thinking: "I can't do this anymore."

But are you thinking that because you're exhausted? Or because something deeper is wrong?

Most HR leaders I work with jump straight to self-blame. "I'm not strategic enough." "I should be able to handle this." "Other HR leaders seem fine." You internalize the struggle as a personal failing when the actual problem might be outside of your control.

Before you make any moves (or convince yourself to stay), you need to diagnose what's actually wrong.

The four factors (and why they matter)

When you're stuck, one of four things is usually at play.

Your role: The work itself doesn't align with how you're wired. Maybe you're brilliant at execution but drowning in it when what you crave is strategy. Maybe you've outgrown the complexity level. Maybe you're doing admin work that a coordinator should handle. The role itself is the constraint, not you.

Your boss: You could do this job brilliantly under different leadership. But your current boss doesn't trust your judgment, won't give you strategic input, takes credit for your work, or micromanages you into paralysis. The relationship is the limiting factor.

Your organization: HR is treated as a cost center, not a strategic partner. Your CEO doesn't value HR input. Decisions get made without you. You're implementing things you disagree with. The organization itself doesn't give HR a seat at the table, so no matter how good you are, your impact is capped.

Your career path: You chose HR fifteen years ago because you liked working with people. But somewhere along the way, you realized HR itself might not be your thing. The function is a mismatch with your strengths.

Most of the time, HR leaders blame themselves when one of these four things is actually the culprit. You think you're not strategic enough when really your organization doesn't want HR input on strategy. You think you're weak when really you have a boss who micromanages you. You think you've burned out when really you've outgrown the function entirely.

Diagnosing your problem

This isn't something to figure out while you're drowning in comp round. Bookmark this and come back to it when you have ten minutes to think clearly.

Then ask yourself these questions:

If it's your role: Could you do this exact job brilliantly under a different boss? Do you feel energized by any part of this work, or is everything soul-destroying? Are you spending 80% of your time on work you could delegate or automate?

If it's your boss: Have you had this same conversation with previous managers and felt heard and supported? Does your boss give you air cover to do your job, or are you constantly defending your decisions? If your boss left tomorrow, would you want to stay?

If it's your organization: Does your CEO ask for your perspective on strategic decisions, or do you find out about major changes after they're announced? When you propose something strategic, do you get genuine consideration or automatic pushback on budget? Are other functions given more credibility than HR?

If it's your career path: When you imagine yourself five years from now, are you in a different

function entirely? Do you light up talking about non-HR work, but go numb talking about HR initiatives? Have you felt this way across multiple companies and roles?

The reality is that it’s rarely just one thing. You might have a role you've outgrown and a boss who doesn't develop talent. Or strategic ambitions your organization doesn't support paired with a role that's too operational. When multiple factors are at play, your strategy shifts.

Why the diagnosis matters

If it's your role, you have options. Reshape it. Move internally. Find a role that uses your actual strengths.

If it's your boss, you have a clear strategy. Build your network now (both internally and externally). Identify a new opportunity. Prepare your exit strategy.

If it's your organization, you have a choice. Work to shift how HR is valued, or leave for an organization that already does.

If it's your career path, you have permission. Permission to stop blaming yourself for not thriving in HR. Permission to explore what comes next.

But you cannot stay stuck in self-blame while one of these four things is quietly destroying your confidence.

The diagnosis is just the beginning. Once you know which one (or ones) is actually your problem, you can stop spinning your wheels and start building a real strategy. You can make decisions from clarity instead of crisis. You can take action that actually addresses what's wrong, instead of trying to fix yourself.

You deserve work that energizes you, not depletes you. And that starts with seeing clearly what needs to change.

So bookmark this. Come back when you can think. Get honest about which diagnosis is actually yours. And when you're ready to create your plan, I'm here to help.

Book a confidential conversation with me here and let's figure out your next move together.

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I work with female senior leaders in Human Resources who feel stuck to help them love their work or find work they love. I write about:

👂 Executive & career coaching

📄 Career development and career transition

🎯 Job search strategy

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