When you're stuck in HR, the ripple effect touches everything

I remember the exact moment my husband stopped asking about my day.

We'd been having the same conversation for months. I'd come home complaining about my work as an HRBP at an investment bank. He'd listen patiently, offer suggestions, and I'd do nothing about it. Eventually, he just... stopped asking.

That's when I realized that my career unhappiness wasn't just affecting my career. It was affecting everything.

The spread begins subtly

When you're stuck in your HR role, there is no sudden announcement. It creeps in quietly. You tell yourself it's just work stress, just a rough month, just the year-end cycle. But what starts as Sunday night dread spreads like water, seeping into cracks in every area of your life.

The relationship toll

Your partner becomes your emotional dumping ground. Not because they're a therapist, but because they're safe. So, you replay difficult conversations. You process office politics at dinner. You vent about your boss while they're trying to share about their own tough day.

After months of this, something shifts. Your partner stops leaning in. They stop offering solutions because they've learned their suggestions go nowhere. They stop asking how your day was because they already know the answer will be the same complaint, the same frustration, the same lack of action.

You're both exhausted.

The parenting paradox

You're physically present with your kids but mentally somewhere else. Your daughter is telling you about her day and you're replaying a meeting. Your son wants to play and you're doom-scrolling through emails. You're there, but you're not really there.

You're modelling that work is something to endure, not enjoy. That adults spend their days doing things that drain them. That success means sacrificing presence.

This is where the stakes get real. My client Vanessa was made redundant from her HR Business Partner role at an investment bank after she returned from maternity leave. Suddenly, she had what she thought she wanted: time with her young kids. But the guilt was crushing.

She wanted to be a present mother. She also knew that being a full-time stay-at-home parent would drive her crazy. So, she started looking for her next role. But the career indecision was consuming her. She was trying to be present with her children while her mind was somewhere else entirely, caught between two identities: the professional and the parent.

"I was struggling to find direction, lacked confidence, and felt completely overwhelmed," Vanessa recalls. "I had felt frozen by doubt."

Vanessa’s kids were feeling her internal conflict. She wasn't fully present because she was split between two worlds—fully committed to neither.

That was the part that kept her awake at night. Her kids were noticing her conflict. She didn’t want this for them. But she was living it anyway.

The health crisis you didn't see coming

It starts with sleep disruption. You're lying awake at 2am, replaying conversations, worrying about decisions that feel meaningless. Your mind won't quiet down.

Then the physical symptoms arrive. Your body is in a constant state of alert. Some people lose weight from stress. Others gain it. Many describe a general sense of exhaustion that no amount of sleep fixes.

You tell yourself you'll exercise more, eat better, meditate, journal. But you don't have the energy. The very things that would help feel impossible to prioritize when everything feels urgent.

Your body is sending you a signal. Something fundamental is wrong. And you're ignoring it.

The cascade compounds

The worst part is that each area makes the others worse. Poor sleep makes you irritable at home. Relationship strain makes you more anxious at work. Disconnection from your kids makes you feel guilty. Health problems drain your resilience.

So you stay stuck. And it gets worse.

Here's what I want you to notice

Your career unhappiness isn't just about your career. It's affecting the people you love most and your physical health. The longer you wait, the more these areas deteriorate.

Staying stuck has a real cost. A cost that shows up in your relationships, your presence with your kids, and your health.

Vanessa figured this out. She realized her stuck career wasn't just a personal problem—it was affecting her ability to show up as the mother and partner she wanted to be. That recognition became her turning point. Through coaching, she rebuilt her confidence, reclaimed her identity as both a professional and a parent, and stopped trying to be fully present in two fractured worlds.

She landed a new role as an HR Lead at an investment management company. Most importantly, she set boundaries that allowed her to be fully present at work and fully present with her family.

In the next article, I’ll share more about how to break this cycle and plug the cracks.

But first, I want you to ask yourself: If nothing changes in the next year, what will your relationship, health, and parenting look like?

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I work with female senior leaders in Human Resources who feel stuck to help them love their work or find work they love. I write about:

👂 Executive & career coaching

📄 Career development and career transition

🎯 Job search strategy

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